September152014
1PM

(Source: te3nque3n, via inspiringyoursmile)

September142014

Anonymous said: how often do you keep in touch with your high school friends?

it varies greatly… a few i don’t talk to anymore, some i hangout with in shanghai and do a long catchup sesh, some i talk to once a month, and then there’s the few i talk to almost everyday. 

September122014

It feels like just yesterday I was still listening to your voice, and now you’re gone.

I remember one year ago, I was so obsessed with your singing, haha. I even told my friends about it and referred to you as “the Saipan dude.” Literally just a few days ago, I still saw you skateboarding on campus. You had so much passion in you about becoming a musician, and you were sooooo talented. I miss keeping my dorm room open just to hear you sing your lungs out. I’m glad we lived on the same floor. You were always pretty admirable with how much determination you had in chasing your dreams. Whenever I listened to you sing or talk about music and your future, I always felt like I needed to believe in myself more and chase after my own dreams the way you did with yours.

Rest in Peace, Abel Pelligrino. 

12PM
Queeen B & Chuck <3

Queeen B & Chuck <3

(Source: ggbygossipgirl)

September92014

fighting with you is scary, and i’m bad at keeping people in my life lol

i just… ugh. the thing about disagreements is that no matter what i do, i just feel like the end result is losing the person.

if i say too much or word it wrongly, then everything gets even uglier until all hopes of mending the relationship dies.

if i don’t tell people how i feel, then they end up getting frustrated with me anyways because they don’t like secrets/dishonesty/hidden feelings, etc etc.

i want us to have a relationship that i can believe that we’ll get through the fighting and shiz. there’s only been a handful of friendships i’ve thought so highly of, but give it enough time, and even the friendships i believe in most die out too. 

i just feel like there’s no way to win with life. tis all. 

i’m never going to figure out how human relationships work. i feel like all i can do is just accept the fact that i suck at keeping people in my life. i don’t have a childhood best friend like most people do, the one everyone brags on social media like “omg bff since kindergarden!” heck, most days i look at my wall of pictures and wonder how i managed to maintain certain friendships over three years. i’m really REALLY REALLY incredibly thankful for those long friendships though (hence pinned all over my wall), and i hope ours become a long-term one too because i really really really really like having you in my life. 

September72014

Anonymous said: do you like your current boyfriend more or jack?

September42014

random monologue of thoughts at 10PM about life and random things

1. i like that we have so much to talk about and talking to you throughout my entire day is nice but at the same time not so nice bc one day we’re going to run out of things to talk about and i dont want that to happen so i guess i should enjoy it while everything’s still fresh and lovely ~~ 

2. i wish H wasn’t so busy bc i was really looking forward to getting to know her even better this yr but we don’t even get to have dinner together anymore and just EVERYONE seems to be so busy with their lives and 95% of my convos are probably all small talk

3. making life choices is hard bc i’m not sure what kind of person i want to be

4. i wonder if i’ll ever get to live in my favorite city

5. i want to go to barcelona so bad just to practice my pathetic spanish but recently i’ve developed interest in traveling to chile :D

6. i just want to buy everything in aeropostale and forever 21 right now but i need to stop shopping

7. i dont understand how blair and chuck are so confident in how well they know each other. but i mean afterall, they are fictional so whatever.

8. watching gossip girl and 90210 makes me feel like my life problems aren’t even legitimate problems

9. i don’t understand why falling in love has to feel so terrifying at the same time

10. it really sucks that you can run away from anyone you dislike. you can easily block them and cut them completely out of your life but the one person you can never ever ever ever run away from is yourself and most times we’re our own worst enemies. 

11. having red hair still makes me much happier every time i look in the mirror even tho i know that doesn’t change who i am. but it’s just made me FEEEEEEL different and that’s been more than enough

12. i need to buy more work out clothes bc i dont want to do laundry

13. i’m thankful i can be super sarcastic and funny but i hate it when i go overboard

14. i dont know how i got my arms so tanned just from like three hours of swimming

15. several people vent to me about long distance problems because i’m “the most multicultural person” they know but i dont think people realize that just because i understand their emotions doesn’t mean that i have some magical solution to erase distance/pain for them.

16. K invited me to a house party he wants to host bc he saw my photos with D back in shanghai so hmmmm. idk. is it too much to ask for to hope i make it out of this school year with no regrets?

17. i should really be signing up for clubs and applying for jobs but i’m so unbelievably lazy

18. i’m so distracted and i look retarded laughing at my phone all the time bc im either watching tv or texting P

19. im still shocked at how life-changing summer 2014 was and it ended over a week ago haha

20. i don’t always mean to play games or lie about my feelings. sometimes i’ve created a mess before i realize what’s happening and i’m on an emotional roller coaster ride all year round. sometimes im actually happy when i say i am and i don’t mean to drop back down the next month. 

21. E seems to be the only person who trusts that i’ve actually started trying to hide my feelings less and communicate better. 

22. i hate it when all the ice in my thai tea melts so at the end all i’m drinking is 80% water and 20% thai tea and it’s just so gross.

23. it’s much easier for me to forgive others than to forgive myself. 

24. i admit i’m a jealous person but i’m so thankful i have people who trust that i can suck it up and put others’ happiness before mine. it just really makes me believe in myself more too.

25. i often wonder how different things would be if you knew everything i’ve never told you. 

September12014
Flip flops all day everyday :) went shopping with M today and we got broke at Aeropostale and Forever 21 haha #hawaii #shopaholic #aeropostale

Flip flops all day everyday :) went shopping with M today and we got broke at Aeropostale and Forever 21 haha #hawaii #shopaholic #aeropostale

August312014

today i learned it’s possible to get part of your boobs sunburned lol good day, good day.

so i went to North Shore for the first time today, and anyone who’s visited or lived in Oahu knows this place is a big deal. it’s an even bigger deal that i haven’t been there after a year of college here SO… yeah. i was really tempted not to go because i’m not a huge beach person to begin with and waking up for it at 5AM is just a big fat NO.

i ended up going because from experience last year, i know that everyone’s just going to get super busy with their lives and we won’t have many more chances to hangout, let alone an opportunity to go all the way to North Shore. 

it was reaaaaalllllly fun! i wish i had seen turtles, but i saw a ton of lovely fish and swam/snorkeled for around two or three hours. we topped the day off with really good shave ice afterwards :)

on the ride back, i planned to talk to my chilean friend but i fell asleep. but whatever, i ended up talking to him for basically the rest of my day while i was out shopping too. along with denissa, i’m really thankful for him too. he’s been a really positive influence on me lately because of the stories he has to tell and how he’s overcame those obstacles. in return i listen to him and help him with his current major concern in life which i happen to have experience with lol i just hope that he gets just as much out of the relationship we’re building.

i ended the night with a skype call with my parents before my dad goes off to a business trip… so yeah. today’s been a pretty awesome day, but i’m so exhausted. i think i’m sore from walking around and swimming…. lol so out of shape. I love my bed. I love sleeeeeeeep!!!

August292014
3PM
August272014
1PM

Anonymous said: currently single or taken?

i’m sure you can figure this one out on your own :)

9AM

so glad to be back in hawaii! ~ international life ~

i feel so unbelievably relieved and excited. it wasn’t exactly a smooth journey traveling back but now that i’m settled and (BARELY) survived my first day of school, i’m content. 

there’s a sense of sanity that i can only get in hawaii because it’s not guam and it’s not shanghai either. hawaii is my present, and it’s exactly where i belong as of 2014. so that’s where relief falls in. revisiting past “homes” and reuniting with loved ones can be so fun until it gets exhausting. 

yesterday (first day), i landed two hours before my first class, checked in my dorm, and ran off to class. the campus is small enough that i ran into several people i knew, and everyone told me i’m crazy - spending my last two days of summer dodging transfer flights around asia.

but that’s the international life, and i absolutely fucking love it. 

one thing i’d never ever give up is international life, and i can never thank my dad enough for starting and helping me continue my international journey. 

i’m excited about this year because it’s going to be a huge defining year in how the next few years of my life plays out. it’s going to be super stressful and i’ll probably have a ton of breakdowns over school and figuring out my future, but hopefully the outcomes will be satisfying. i want more than anything to continue living abroad in a greater diversity of places. 

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